A life with Pain
Now, I have NO pain
20 minutes ago I had pain
2 hours ago I had severe pain
Tomorrow I may not have pain.....
I cannot remember how it feels to be free of pain completely. Sometimes I close my eyes and try to remember how it felt to not feel anything. How oblivious I was to my body and how oversensitive I am to it now. Almost a prisoner in my own skeleton.
But I cannot dwell on what was, I can only dream of what may be.
My illness made me (eventually) change my outlook on life and the way I look after myself for the better. My body gave me a wake up call, a very traumatic painful one! A challenge was brought to me, as it may have been brought to you. However each challenge is one we can handle if we just approach it in the right way.
I am grateful that I now nourish my body in ways I never knew to. My body said STOP, I listened and continue to listen. Illness has a route cause, all illness have to come from somewhere, but it is up to yo where you take it.
I had and you have too an opportunity to forget the past and become the present.
My initial diagnosis was not a typical one. An unexpected inconvenience is how I would have described it then. A shock of thundering pain, like someone had flicked a switch. I was 25 at the time, at the beginning of my Physiotherapy career. It has taken me years to accept my diagnosis and to start taking responsibility for it. Ignorance is not bliss. I dismissed my diagnosis for some time, I would refuse to take regular medication, dipping in and out of euphoria on the good days and dismay on the bad days. i would convince myself the pain was due to mechanical pain (caused by an injury I had forgotten). Then another flare would come...
Then another, and another, getting stronger each time.
I wasn't listening.....my body had to shout a little louder.
It wasn't until complications with the birth of my daughter, due to having an autoimmune condition, that I sat up and took notice.
I have now embraced my illness, making it my main goal - to understand my body more each day. I practice meditation, daily yoga and keep generally active.I have accepted the old me, is just that, and that I will never pull on my running trainers and skip out of the front door for a brisk jog. I have embraced and adapted. I have learnt about the importance of nutrition and try to fuel my body with the essential vitamins and minerals its needs.
Most importantly I have stopped with the anger and frustration. I have grown as a person in ways I know for a fact I would never if it weren't for my illness.
To all of you out there with chronic illness or an autoimmune disease, remember you are NOT your diagnosis, and your body is asking for help.
It will never define you.
I know what it feels like to wonder 'why me?', 'what have I done to deserve this?' But STOP this mindset isn't helpful. Instead ask yourself 'How great can I be?' Start by taking responsibility for your health. Your body asked for help - so give it!
Try not to disconnect from your body, it isn't your enemy, its your ally. Show it respect but lead the way.
Find Your Strength
You have all the tools you need to start seeing a more positive future.